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Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The Dog Days of Michael Vick

B. Thomas Cooper - Editor




Say it ain’t so, Michael, just say it ain’t so
.
On the other hand, perhaps you should simply fess up to your crimes, apologize to the NFL and your fans, and go do your time like a man. I know it won’t be easy, but it isn’t supposed to be. You’re being incarcerated because your crimes were as despicable as they were illegal.

B. Thomas Cooper

We sports fans have a bad habit of believing our stars can do no wrong. We assume if one is a great quarterback, one is presumably a great neighbor as well. What a farce! I believed in you Michael, and this whole time you were nothing more than a lowly dog killer.

Soon people will starting asking questions. Different questions than they’re asking now. Questions like, do you think you are rehabilitated, and are you remorseful for your crimes? What will you tell them, Vick? What will you tell yourself?

Personally, I would rather you never return to pro football, as I can’t imagine watching you play without harboring ill intent. It just wouldn’t feel right.

You know what, Michael? I hope they put you someplace with guard dogs. Really mean ones with sharp teeth and strong jaws. And you know what else, Michael? I wish those dogs could understand what you’ve done. I really do.


B. Thomas Cooper - Editor


Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Karl Kalls it Kwitz

B. Thomas Cooper - Editor





So Karl Rove has announced he is stepping aside
, come September 1st.
Gosh, Karl, so soon? I guess it’s reasonable to assume a lame duck and a beached “whale” have little chance of a future together. So be it, and good riddance. Rove has pottied in the pool too often already. It’s time for the little “turd blossom” to pack his bags and get out of Dodge.

Karl Rove has been called the most powerful presidential sidekick since Harry Truman dropped the bomb. He has also been referred as Bush’s brain, although that is hardly a compliment. Karl Rove played a major roll in disseminating the lies leading up to the invasion of Iraq. He is also believed by many to have been instrumental in the outing of former CIA agent Valerie Plame. He will certainly not be missed by Americans with even the slightest ethical fabric.

I must admit, find his expiration date more than just a tad curious. How odd that Bush would insist those still with his administration on the first of September are somehow obligated to stick around the rest of his term. Unless of course, George Bush is expecting the entire busload of bozos to take a turn for the worse shortly thereafter. Understandably, I am becoming increasingly anxious about the up-coming Iraq progress report, and I suspect Bush and Rove are, as well.

Meanwhile, the New York Times reports, "On Tuesday, several White House officials acknowledged with unusual candor that with just 17 months remaining in Mr. Bush's final term, there is little time for new ideas. Nor is there much time to realize the long list of unaccomplished presidential proposals."

Yes, Karl is kalling it Kwitz, and as the ‘Turd Blossom’ special waddles into the sunset, it’s hard to imagine a Bush White-House without him.
Lord knows, I’m trying.


B. Thomas Cooper - Editor


Sunday, August 12, 2007

An Age of Steel and Steam

B. Thomas Cooper - Editor





Editors Note:
This article was originally prepared for Helium.com.
Enjoy.


Rainbow Train Arriving It was an age of steel and steam
. It was a time of great power and wealth. Soon the world would be forever changed by this new mechanical marvel, the steam locomotive, the driving force behind the industrial revolution.

For centuries, man had understood the potential of steam as an energy source, but it took until 1803 before Samuel Homfray was able to successfully harness that energy with his invention of the steam engine. The first successful railway followed soon after, when on March 25th, 1807, England began passenger service between Swansea and Mumbles.

Across the pond, America was developing it’s own railway, and by 1869, eighteen hundred miles of track connected Omaha, Nebraska with Sacramento, California. The resulting improvement of trade routes was felt throughout the world. Within a decade, the industrial revolution was on a roll.

Steam Engine

By 1893, the U.S. had completed five transcontinental trunk lines and no less than 260,000 miles of track. Monopolies flourished. A brilliant engineer named Theodore Judah successfully persuaded Washington to pony up ten to twenty square miles of land and at least $48,000 for every mile of track completed. The track was laid by armies of imported Chinese ’coolies’, laborers who toiled relentlessly while rail barons were popping champagne corks and charging glasses in celebration.

Enter, Andrew Carnegie, philosopher and opportunist, and in later years, philanthropist. At age 18, Carnegie caught the eye of Pennsylvania rail baron Tom Scott, becoming his personal secretary and telegraph operator. Carnegie however, had great plans for the future. The unbreakable grip of the iron industry was about to give way to steel.

By the turn of the century, William McKinley was president, and in 1903, New York State enacted legislation prohibiting the operation of steam locomotives south of the Harlem river, thus ushering in the era electrified tracks. The first use of internal combustion engines began in 1913, and was quickly superseded by the invention of the diesel locomotive, which proved more effective. The times, they were a changing.

During the great depression, the railroad became symbolic of the American struggle. Today we look back on these amazing machines as products of a bygone era. The mighty iron horse has been put to pasture. Or has it?

The steam engine may be a thing of the past, but today, light rail tracks and monorails are springing up in greater numbers. Perhaps these are not the romantic machines made famous by daring engineers like Casey Jones, but they provide safer, if not more efficient service. Meanwhile, thousands of miles of railway still grace the countryside, as modern locomotives pull seemingly endless processions of freight cars, hauling lumber, cattle, and virtually everything in between.

Away in the distance, a lonesome whistle blows. Tonight, perhaps further in the distance than in recent memory. The age of steel and steam has passed, but the dreams of those who dared make it happen, remain. An era, vanishes in a puff of smoke. A new era begins.

B. Thomas Cooper - Editor


Friday, August 10, 2007

Hang 'Em High

B. Thomas Cooper - Editor





Wake up America!

It is time to take your lumps. You voted for the corrupt son of a bitch, and he sold you down the river. Now it’s time to pull your cowardly heads out of your big fat ignorant asses and hold George W. Bush accountable.

Of course, I know you won’t do it, because you are indeed, cowards. You clearly understand your support equates to murder by proxy. Pride trumps pragmatism, I suppose. Shamefully, that pride has led to the deaths of thousands of innocent people. You are not among them, of course. Nor are you among the innocent.

I certainly don't expect honesty from you. Admitting it was all a lie only illuminates your complicity. The Bush administration could not have committed these crimes without your participation. His crimes are your crimes.

Yes America, you have blood on your hands. That is not ketchup from your 'freedom fries'. Blame it on me, blame it on Saddam, whatever. By all means, though, deflect the blame. That’s what cowards do.

Now George Bush is asking the United Nations for help stabilizing Iraq. Since when did George and his cronies need help from the United Nations? What happened to the coalition of the remaining? Why would the US need help from an organization Bush has openly and repeatedly disparaged?

Unless of course, the war is lost. Unless of course, Bush is desperate.

So hang ‘em high, cowboys. I know shit when I smell it, and it’s coming from your direction. You can run, but you can’t hide. Denial changes nothing.

It’s high noon in Washington, and the body politic lies rotting in the street, gunned down by men in black hats. Our economy is trashed. The US constitution… trashed. The environment… trashed. Our civil rights…trashed. Infrastructure… ditto. You're just another notch.

Yep, you bought it, it’s yours. You broke it, you fix it! You paid the piper, you picked the tune, so dance clown, dance. Stupid is as stupid does.

Do your grandchildren a big favor. Grab that handgun you love so much out from under your pillow, place the business end against the roof of your mouth, and tell me again why you’re above contrition. I dare you.

Oh, and then pull the trigger, and get the hell out of my country!



B. Thomas Cooper - Editor


Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Hats Off To Barry

B. Thomas Cooper - Editor





Congratulations to Barry
and his unparalleled career. Let there be no doubt, we will not see another like Barry during our lifetimes. He is truly deserving of the accolades he is finally receiving after so many impressive years. There should no longer be questions as to whether Barry deserves to be in the Hall of Fame.

Yes, Barry Manilow is one of a kind. Congratulations, Barry… we’re all very proud of you.

BTC

B. Thomas Cooper - Editor


Sunday, August 05, 2007

Too Late to Save a Drowned Witch

B. Thomas Cooper - Editor






NEWS FLASH!
SHIP ARRIVES TOO LATE TO SAVE A DROWNED WITCH.


Gather ‘round, my fellow pontificators. We need to have ourselves a little ‘group think’. All this talk about surges and build-up, and pulling out. So much posturing tends to wear a man down. My thoughts are swimming in a quagmire of confusion.

I am referring of course, to the so called ‘troop surge’ designed to re-enforce the coalition of the remaining. The answer is as vague as the question. Is it too late to admit America invaded Iraq on false premise? Is it too late for Americans to jettison arrogance and ignorance in favor of common sense and compassion?

I'll not mince words when lives are in peril. Only an absolute fool would continue to defend or support the transgressions of the Bush administration. George W. Bush is a war criminal. He should be held accountable for his crimes, just as Saddam Hussein was held accountable for his. Those who insist on prolonging this pathetic delusion of self righteousness are adrift in denial. It is neither noble, nor patriotic to guard the door whilst the fox raids the henhouse.

Is it too late to do the right thing? Is it too early to admit the US has created a far worse situation in the Middle East with no foreseeable way out? Is it too early to demonstrate contrition, or is that word even a part of the vocabulary?

One nation, under God'? In light of US transgressions abroad, is it even appropriate for Americans to banter about such hollow propaganda? There are in fact, more questions than answers, as it is always easier to perpetuate a problem than it is to solve one.

So let me see if I actually understand the question. Is it too early to bring home the living while they are still alive? Or is it already too late for those troops thrust unjustly into an un-winnable conflict?

As I write, news is breaking of a possible car bomb explosion within the Green Zone in central Baghdad. Of course, there's nothing new' about such attacks. People continue to die every day in Iraq, and yes, some are Americans. Unfortunately, the situation will become much worse before it can be expected to get any better. That is simply the nature of warfare. Yes, US troop fatalities dropped during the month of July, but civilian fatalities rose sharply.

So then, is total withdrawal of allied forces the only logical way out? Perhaps. Then again, perhaps we should be asking those who have already lost their lives. They are the ones who made the ultimate sacrifice as a result of the ultimate lie. How many more witches must we drown before we drag ourselves from the dark ages?



B. Thomas Cooper - Editor